Why I Opened Up About Infertility

TFA Podcast Episode 6

Yesterday Chris and I published episode 6 of the TFA Podcast. We hadn't filmed an episode in 3 months and it felt good to get back to chatting about TFA in front of the camera. The good/bad thing about the way that we approach the podcasts is that they aren't scripted, they are just recorded conversations, honest and sincere, and we never quite know how or where they will go. During editing I often wish that I could go back in and change the way that I said something, or elaborate a bit on something that I don't feel I explained properly, and today I'm feeling that way about the part where I explained why I wanted to open up about my struggle with infertility. 

I said that I wanted to share it because I didn't want anyone to think that it was easy for us, but I wish that I had expanded on that just a touch. It's not that I need you guys to feel sympathy for me, to know just how hard it was, it's that I didn't want anyone who might be struggling themselves to see my perfect family, me with my cute baby bump, and to think that I had it easy and then feel badly about themselves because they did not. That's the thing that brothers me. The thought that my good fortune could cause someone who was having a hard time to have an even harder time. I hope that by letting people in on my struggles that others who are struggling can look at me and find hope. 

I also never want my children to think that I am ashamed of my infertility or how they were conceived. Not talking about it kind of felt like I was keeping a dirty little secret. I am not happy about my infertility, I'm not even ok with it, but I am not ashamed. 

I could have kept my infertility to myself forever because, frankly, it's nobody's business. But I'm learning that I am a sharer. It's taken me a while to figure that out about myself, but it's a little trinket of mid-thirties self discovery that I feel really good about.